I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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