toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize