feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
