Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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