I accidentally had phone sex last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
