1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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