Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize