I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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