if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize