Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
