Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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