my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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