i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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