So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
