I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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