I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
