I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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