I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
