I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
