i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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