The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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