god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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