Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
