He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
