farters have to be the big spoon...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
