Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
