So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
