Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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