dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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