so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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