my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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