Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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