You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
