He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
