I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
