I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
