i think my tv is drunk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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