She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
