Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
