he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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