I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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