Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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