I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize