Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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