so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did i walk over a car last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
