Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
