AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize