If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
