Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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