Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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