just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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