1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
