haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
