Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
