I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
