this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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