It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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