its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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