Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
