dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize