well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
