just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
