So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
