I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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