xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
