and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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