Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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