I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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