Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
