So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's never too late to be topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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