I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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