..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
