3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
