def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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