Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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