TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
