i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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