Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Enjoy the penises
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
