That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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