i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
